i don't need a crown to be a princess.. it comes naturally :P

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

17 March 2006
7:26:00 PM

17

today is the 17th of march.. its supposed to be a happy day.. it started out happy.. but then.. biglang nawala.. i spent most of today with maan, pats and quibabs :) don't get me wrong.. i adore those girls :) but i can't help but think about how happier my day would be if he was with me.. i don't understand.. i really don't.. why are we being kept apart? how come i was given false hope? akala ko tlga i'd be able to spend the day with him.. we don't even have to go out.. we could stay at home and talk.. just be together.. my parents are also wondering why he didn't go..

they say that if there's a will, there's a way.. so why is this clichÉ suddenly not applicable? :( i know he wanted to go.. im xur of that.. what i dont get is why god didnt provide us the means to be with each other.. ang labo..

i feel so down.. nothing seems to be able to cheer me up.. imagine, for the first time in my life, i finished all 3 stages of time crisis 2 alone 0_o i was the only one playing.. if i did that on another day, i'd probably leap for joy haha but noooooo.. i was thinking "yay for me..." and that was that.. i would like to thank whoever created "she's the man".. that movie SO made me laugh :D duke is hot haha sharing.. pats had an "experience" hahaha funny :) we had our pics taken.. actually parang yan lang ung nangyari.. labo :P oh well.. tomorrow is another day.. sana wag boring 0_o

oh.. im not mad.. im just.. disappointed.. i feel as though a lot of bad things have been happening to me lately.. im at the bottom of the wheel right now.. hopefully i'll live through this..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*

take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

03 March 2006
9:08:00 PM

woah..

ang tagal since i last updated! di ko pa na-post ung xmas wishlist ko haha! rar.. sobrang dami ng stuff na ginagawa namin.. im tired! :( sad.. hay.. stress! wah.. im about to break down na.. why? kasi nawala ang formal theme ko sa pinoi.. the one na iniyakan ko kasi na-late at iniyakan ulit dahil nawala.. so, 3 times ko xa iniyakan! yay 0_o

bakit ako biglang nagblog ulit? actually.. i dunno.. dati addict ako dito.. parang walang dumaan na araw na hindi ako nagblog.. pero ewan.. all of a sudden, nawala ung drive.. parang.. gusto ko nalang manahimik.. i wanted to isolate myself from everyone else.. tapos ngayon, feeling ko sasabog ako kung di ako maglalabas ng mga iniisip ko..

these days, all i wanna do is sleep.. i wanna be buried under the covers.. pero.. parang ayoko na rin dito sa bahay na toh.. everything is a mess.. im a mess.. who am i? i feel weird.. are other people going through wat im going through? sometimes i feel like im giving too much of myself.. to the point that there's nothing left for me.. my time.. my attention.. a lot more.. im like a ghost.. just drifting by.. lost in a sea of random faces.. i keep wondering what lies ahead for me.. kanina sobrang sabog ako.. wala ako sa sarili.. i stutter, mess up when talking, misplace things, forget stuff... whats happening to me? cant i just take a break from it all?

i dont know where i wanna go.. who i wanna be... which direction to take.. what choices to make.. there are so many things i dont know.. i just.. i dont know.. *sigh*

ang dami kong iniisip.. people from my past continue to haunt me.. sometimes i regret the decisions i made.. pero after a while, i ask myself why i chose them.. i feel sad that im not in good terms with someone.. im sad because i can feel bonds breaking.. the promise of forever fading.. wilting.. love turned into hatred.. i can feel it.. hostility crushes my optimism.. im losing hope.. everytime our eyes meet, i have to look away.. not because i don't want to look at you.. but because each time i do, tears begin to well up.. they say that time heals all wounds.. but the wounds i have in my heart can only heal when you want them to.. again, i'm sorry.. these words could mean nothing to you.. but i want you to know that it's sincere..

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*